we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I cockslap morals
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
