i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
PANTIES FOUND
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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