The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
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