I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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