I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
