I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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