first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
