my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
