oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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