Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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