If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
True strength comes from lack of pants
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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