Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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