Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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