It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just gargled with NyQuil
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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