One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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