I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
