Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
