Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
