we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
