Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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