you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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