Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize