Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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