I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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