The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
