im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
