RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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