Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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