eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
