HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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