She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
