I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
