yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
