Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Shame - the story of my life.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
