I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
