dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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