Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
