I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
