do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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