the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
