She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
