I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
