Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
