I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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