could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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