I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
