This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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