So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
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Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
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Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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