Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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