She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
