i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
