She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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