i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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