i wish my penis had a tongue
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
