all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
