life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
