non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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