That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize