around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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