We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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