My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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