You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
