I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
