Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
