My balls are so social today.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
