Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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