You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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