i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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