The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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