No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
