also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
