Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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